Mentioned in this video: "A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed [Liturgy, 예배의식] by Turbulent Emotion," by Sandra McCracken and Douglas McKelvey, included in Every Moment Holy, Vol. 3 by Doug McKelvey.
Learn more here. Transcript
I feel like when it comes to breakups, different people experience them differently and certain breakups are easier or harder than others. So I know that there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all answer, just because there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all experience. But if watching this video, I will make an assumption that maybe going through this particular one hasn't been a walk in the park, but has been accompanied by a good amount of sorrow, pain, and even confusion. I think there's something uniquely complex about losing someone through a breakup that isn't even there when you lose someone through death. There are questions left. There are what ifs that are still left open. There are these open doors with that person still being alive and you might still seeing them and seeing them move on. And there are, did I make a mistake? There's more room for regret. There's just an open-endedness and a confusion to losing a loved one through a breakup that isn't even there for other types of griefs, like losing someone through death. And in some ways, that makes it less straightforward and more confusing to navigate.
So I do not have a comprehensive answer to how to navigate your breakup, but here are the first thoughts that come to mind. The first one is it might be worthwhile to take some time to recognize and express the different thoughts and emotions that are going through your mind and your heart. Though a breakup will overall just feel bad and painful, but often there are more details there that might be helpful to recognize. For one, there could be sadness and nostalgia. You miss those small moments, those ordinary happy moments that now remind you of what no longer is like. Even what was good back then and what was precious back then is now tainted and colored by sorrow because it no longer is your reality.
A breakup is loss. No one died, but the relationship, as you know, it died and it changed a lot. There is grief on top of that. There could be even anger and bitterness if there was hurt and sin and wrongdoing and resentment that's there. There could be shame, wondering if maybe if you are better, if you are more lovable, maybe they would've stayed. Maybe if you were better, you could have made it work out. Sometimes you want nothing to do with the person. Sometimes you would do anything to have them back in your life, and sometimes you might fluctuate between both. Sometimes you want to pretend like you're totally okay and you're fine and that you've moved on and it no longer affects you. And sometimes you're desperate to reach out to them for a second chance. Sometimes it's regret and sometimes it's anxiety. What will life be like now? What if they move on to someone else? What if I'll never be okay and happy again? Sometimes the questions are towards God, why? What are you doing here and why did you allow it to play out like this? It could be one of these or all of them.
And as you process these, you may realize that the breakup is actually about much more than the breakup itself. It has a way of surfacing struggles and insecurities that you've held onto for a lifetime that are now coming out. The person who left this relationship reminds you of all the people in your life who have made you feel unlovable to this point. The end of this relationship reminds you of all of the disappointments and losses that you've had to endure in your life and makes you question God's love and care. The breakup might have a way of exposing these things and bringing them to the surface in really painful ways, but now there's room to take this opportunity to work through those things with people who love you and with God. And so I think in the midst of this encouragement to process honestly is also this encouragement to not rush it and not put a timeline on it and to find people who won't rush it for you. I can't tell you how many people say or have heard said to them like, are you still not over it? Shouldn't you be over it by now? And I'm here to say that God has his own timeline for these things and please be okay with that.
I think the second thing that I would say is that it is normal and human and understandable for this to hurt. Investing so much time, energy, and effort into a person, sharing your greatest joys and deepest pains with that person, putting in your heart and earnest prayers to grow, to be someone who can love that person more selflessly because you want to be a blessing to them and you want to make the relationship work— everything that you've poured into this, when the relationship ends, it will hurt. And that's not something to despise or feel ashamed for. The fact that it hurts is some sort of indicator of what you put into the relationship and how much you cared and wanted to commit to seeing it through and how much you loved. And that is the blessing and the curse of love. C. S. Lewis once said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." And what that means is that when we're vulnerable, that there are pain and agony and disappointment that can happen. One of the beliefs I had when I was going through the loss of a relationship in the past, the pain was so deep that I genuinely felt like I would never be happy again. My heart at that time felt so shattered and so sad that it felt like it would never be whole and okay. And I remember going through life pretending and trying to hold it together, but something in particular about my laughs always felt ingenuine and hollow.
After years of going through that breakup and wrestling through it with God, I still remember the first time that my laugh was full and genuine again. It caught me off guard, but I still remember it because I went through such a long time thinking that it wouldn't be again. And in that moment it reminded me of a passage in Hosea. Hosea 2:7–8, where it says, "She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now. And she did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, and who lavished on her silver and gold. She did not know that it was I who gave her all of those things."
The God who provided you with the relationship that at one point in your life that brought you a measure of joy, excitement, companionship, and hope, is the same God who is with you now in loss. Whatever joy and goodness you experienced in that relationship was ultimately from the One who is still with you now, still caring for you now, still attending to you now, still committed to you now. And while the love that you once enjoyed with this specific person and the expressions of it look different now, there is a love in your life that is unchanging and unfailing. He knows that it hurts. He knows that there are a lot of emotions and thoughts to process and wrestle through. He knows that it'll take time to grieve and figure out how to move forward. He knows the ways that it'll be hard to hold onto hope in it and to hold onto him.
But I pray that as you navigate this breakup, your hope won't be found in your ability to hold onto him, but in his unwavering commitment to hold onto you. And that when you experience that first genuine full-belly laugh, that you'll realize the journey to get there wasn't in your ability to hold onto him, but in his true unwavering commitment to hold onto you. There was a prayer from the book Every Moment Holy Volume III, and it's called "A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed by Turbulent Emotion," which I thought was very appropriate to this particular sharing. And one of the sections reads, "When I desperately want the discomfort to end, remind me that your eyes see farther than mine and that you'll use even this hard circumstance for the benefit of my soul. Let me remember that you'll not waste a minute of my suffering. In it, you are with me. Through it, I come to know you more. You make all things beautiful, and you do so in your time, not in mine."
Google 번역 5,000 / 5,000 이 영상에서 언급된 내용: "압도당한 자를 위한 예배 [예배, 예배의식] Turbulent Emotion", Sandra McCracken과 Douglas McKelvey 지음, Every Moment Holy, Vol. 3에 포함됨 Doug McKelvey 지음.
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저는 이별에 관해서는 사람마다 다르게 경험하고 어떤 이별은 다른 이별보다 쉽거나 더 어렵다고 생각합니다. 그래서 저는 모든 사람에게 통용되는 답은 없다는 것을 압니다. 그저 모든 사람에게 통용되는 경험이 없기 때문입니다. 하지만 이 영상을 보면 저는 이 특정한 경험을 겪는 것이 공원에서 산책하는 것과 다름없었을 것이라고 가정할 것입니다. 하지만 상당한 양의 슬픔, 고통, 심지어 혼란이 수반되었을 것입니다. 저는 이별을 통해 누군가를 잃는 것에는 독특하게 복잡한 무언가가 있다고 생각합니다. 그것은 죽음으로 누군가를 잃었을 때는 존재하지 않습니다. 질문이 남습니다. 아직도 열려 있는 '만약'이 있습니다. 그 사람이 살아 있고 그 사람을 보고 그 사람이 계속 나아가는 것을 보는 열린 문이 있습니다. 그리고 실수했을까? 후회할 여지가 더 많습니다. 이별을 통해 사랑하는 사람을 잃는 것에는 다른 유형의 슬픔, 예를 들어 죽음으로 누군가를 잃는 것에는 존재하지 않는 개방성과 혼란이 있습니다. 그리고 어떤 면에서는 그것이 탐색을 덜 단순하고 더 혼란스럽게 만듭니다.
그래서 저는 이별을 탐색하는 방법에 대한 포괄적인 답이 없지만 여기에 가장 먼저 떠오르는 생각이 있습니다. 첫 번째는 마음과 가슴을 스쳐 지나가는 다양한 생각과 감정을 인식하고 표현하는 데 시간을 들이는 것이 가치가 있을 수 있다는 것입니다. 이별은 전반적으로 나쁘고 고통스러울 뿐이지만 인식하는 데 도움이 될 수 있는 더 많은 세부 사항이 종종 있습니다. 첫째, 슬픔과 향수가 있을 수 있습니다. 그 작은 순간, 평범한 행복한 순간을 그리워합니다. 이제 더 이상 그렇지 않다는 것을 상기시켜줍니다. 심지어 그 당시 좋았던 것, 소중했던 것조차도 이제 더 이상 당신의 현실이 아니기 때문에 슬픔으로 더럽혀지고 색칠됩니다.
이별은 상실입니다. 아무도 죽지 않았지만 아시다시피 관계는 죽었고 많이 바뀌었습니다. 그 위에 슬픔이 있습니다. 심지어 분노와 비통함이 있을 수도 있습니다. 상처와 죄와 잘못과 원망이 있다면 그것이 있습니다. 부끄러움이 있을 수 있고, 당신이 더 나았다면, 당신이 더 사랑스러웠다면, 그들이 머물렀을지도 모른다는 생각이 들 수 있습니다. 당신이 더 나았다면, 당신은 그것을 잘 해낼 수 있었을지도 모릅니다. 때때로 당신은 그 사람과 아무런 상관도 맺고 싶지 않습니다. 때때로 당신은 그 사람을 당신의 삶으로 되돌리기 위해 무엇이든 할 것입니다. 그리고 때로는 둘 사이를 오갈 수도 있습니다. 때때로 당신은 당신이 완전히 괜찮은 척하고 괜찮고 당신이 나아갔다고 그리고 그것이 더 이상 당신에게 영향을 미치지 않는다고 가장하고 싶을 것입니다. 그리고 때로는 당신은 그들에게 두 번째 기회를 위해 도움을 요청하고 싶어합니다. 때때로 그것은 후회이고 때로는 불안입니다. 이제 삶은 어떨까요? 그들이 다른 사람에게로 옮겨간다면 어떨까요? 내가 다시는 괜찮고 행복할 수 없다면요? 때때로 그 질문은 신에게 하는 것입니다. 왜? 당신은 여기서 무엇을 하고 있습니까? 그리고 왜 이런 일이 일어나도록 내버려 두었습니까? 이 중 하나일 수도 있고 전부일 수도 있습니다.
그리고 여러분이 이것들을 처리하면서, 이별은 사실 이별 자체보다 훨씬 더 많은 것을 의미한다는 것을 깨닫게 될 것입니다. 이별은 여러분이 평생 간직해 온 투쟁과 불안감을 표면으로 드러내는 방식을 가지고 있습니다. 이제 드러나고 있습니다. 이 관계를 떠난 사람은 여러분의 삶에서 여러분을 이 지경까지 사랑받을 수 없다고 느끼게 만든 모든 사람들을 떠올리게 합니다. 이 관계의 끝은 여러분이 인생에서 견뎌야 했던 모든 실망과 상실을 떠올리게 합니다. 그리고 여러분은 하나님의 사랑과 보살핌에 대해 의문을 품게 합니다. 이별은 이런 것들을 드러내고 정말 고통스러운 방식으로 표면으로 끌어내는 방식을 가지고 있을 수 있지만 이제 여러분을 사랑하는 사람들과 하나님과 함께 이런 것들을 해결할 수 있는 기회를 잡을 여지가 있습니다. 그래서 저는 이 격려의 한가운데에 솔직하게 처리하라는 격려가 있다고 생각합니다. 또한 서두르지 말라는 격려이기도 합니다. 그리고 일정을 정하지 말라는 격려도 있습니다. 그리고 여러분을 위해 서두르지 않을 사람을 찾으라는 격려도 있습니다. 저는 얼마나 많은 사람들이 아직도 극복하지 못했습니까? 지금쯤은 극복했어야 하지 않습니까? 라고 말하거나 그런 말을 들었을지 말할 수 없습니다. 그리고 저는 하나님께서 이런 일들에 대한 자신의 일정을 가지고 계시며 그것을 받아들이시기 바랍니다.
두 번째로 말씀드리고 싶은 것은 이것이 고통스러운 것은 정상적이고 인간적이며 이해할 수 있다는 것입니다. 한 사람에게 많은 시간, 에너지, 노력을 투자하고, 그 사람과 가장 큰 기쁨과 가장 깊은 고통을 공유하고, 성장하기 위해 마음과 진지한 기도를 쏟고, 그 사람을 더 사심없이 사랑할 수 있는 사람이 되기 위해 그들에게 축복이 되고 싶고 관계를 잘 이어가고 싶기 때문에— 이 관계에 쏟은 모든 것, 관계가 끝나면 아플 것입니다. 그리고 그것은 멸시하거나 부끄러움을 느낀다. 아프다는 사실은 당신이 관계에 쏟은 것의 지표이며 얼마나 신경 쓰고 끝까지 보살피고 싶어 했는지 얼마나 사랑했는지를 나타냅니다. 그리고 그것이 사랑의 축복이자 저주입니다. C. S. 루이스는 "사랑한다는 것은 취약하다는 것입니다."라고 말했습니다. 그리고 그것은 우리가 취약할 때 고통과 괴로움과 실망이 일어날 수 있다는 것을 의미합니다. 과거에 관계를 잃었을 때 내가 가졌던 믿음 중 하나는 고통이 너무 깊어서 진심으로 다시는 행복할 수 없을 것 같았습니다. 그때 내 마음은 너무 산산이 조각나고 슬펐기 때문에 결코 온전하고 괜찮을 수 없을 것 같았습니다. 그리고 나는 삶을 가짜로 하고 붙잡으려고 노력했지만 특히 내 웃음에 대한 무언가가 항상 진실하지 않고 공허하게 느껴졌습니다.
그 이별을 겪은 지 몇 년이 지났고 하나님과 씨름했지만 저는 여전히 처음으로 제 웃음이 다시 가득하고 진심이었던 것을 기억합니다. 그것은 저를 깜짝 놀라게 했지만 아직도 기억합니다. 왜냐하면 저는 그것이 다시는 없을 것이라고 생각하며 너무 오랜 시간을 보냈기 때문입니다. 그리고 그 순간에 호세아서의 한 구절이 떠올랐습니다. 호세아서 2:7-8에 이렇게 나와 있습니다. "그녀는 그녀의 애인들을 쫓아가도 따라잡지 못할 것이요 그녀는 그들을 찾아도 만나지 못할 것이다. 그녀는 말하기를, 나는 가서 내 첫 남편에게 돌아 갈 것이라. 그때가 지금보다 나에게 더 좋았기 때문이라. 그리고 그녀는 내가 그녀에게 곡식과 포도주와 기름을 주었고 은과 금을 아낌없이 주었다는 것을 알지 못했습니다. 그녀는 내가 그녀에게 그 모든 것을 주었다는 것을 알지 못했습니다."
당신에게 인생의 어느 시점에서 기쁨, 흥분, 동반자 관계, 희망을 가져다준 관계를 제공하신 하나님은 지금 상실 속에서 당신과 함께 계신 그 하나님과 동일합니다. 그 관계에서 경험한 기쁨과 선함은 궁극적으로 지금도 당신과 함께 계시고, 지금도 당신을 돌보시고, 지금도 당신을 돌보시고, 지금도 당신에게 헌신하시는 분에게서 왔습니다. 그리고 이 특정 사람과 함께 즐겼던 사랑과 그 표현이 지금은 달라 보이지만 당신의 삶에는 변함없고 틀림없는 사랑이 있습니다. 그는 그것이 아프다는 것을 알고 있습니다. 그는 처리하고 씨름해야 할 감정과 생각이 많다는 것을 알고 있습니다. 그는 슬퍼하고 앞으로 나아가는 방법을 알아내는 데 시간이 걸릴 것임을 알고 있습니다. 그는 그것에 대한 희망을 붙잡고 그를 붙잡는 것이 어려울 것이라는 것을 알고 있습니다.
하지만 이 이별을 헤쳐 나가는 동안 당신의 희망이 그를 붙잡는 당신의 능력에서 발견되지 않기를 기도합니다. 하지만 그는 당신을 붙잡으려는 변함없는 헌신에서 발견되기를 바랍니다. 그리고 당신이 처음으로 진심으로 배를 가득 채우는 웃음을 경험할 때 거기까지 가는 여정이 그를 붙잡는 당신의 능력에서가 아니라 당신을 붙잡으려는 그의 진정한 변함없는 헌신에서였음을 깨닫기를 바랍니다. Every Moment Holy Volume III 책에는 기도문이 있는데 "격동하는 감정에 압도된 사람을 위한 전례"라고 합니다. 이 특정한 공유에 매우 적합하다고 생각했습니다. 그리고 그 중 한 구절은 다음과 같습니다. "불편함이 절실히 끝나기를 바랄 때, 당신의 눈이 내 눈보다 더 멀리 보고 있다는 것을 상기시켜 주세요. 그리고 당신은 이 힘든 상황조차도 내 영혼의 이익을 위해 사용할 것입니다. 당신이 내 고통의 한 순간도 낭비하지 않을 것이라는 것을 기억하게 해 주세요. 그 안에서 당신은 나와 함께 있습니다. 그것을 통해 나는 당신을 더 알게 됩니다. 당신은 모든 것을 아름답게 만드시고, 당신의 시간에 그렇게 하십니다. 내 시간이 아니라."
Mentioned in this video: "A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed by Turbulent Emotion," by Sandra McCracken and Douglas McKelvey, included in Every Moment Holy, Vol. 3 by Doug McKelvey. Learn more here. Transcript
I feel like when it comes to breakups, different people experience them differently and certain breakups are easier or harder than others. So I know that there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all answer, just because there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all experience. But if watching this video, I will make an assumption that maybe going through this particular one hasn't been a walk in the park, but has been accompanied by a good amount of sorrow, pain, and even confusion. I think there's something uniquely complex about losing someone through a breakup that isn't even there when you lose someone through death. There are questions left. There are what ifs that are still left open. There are these open doors with that person still being alive and you might still seeing them and seeing them move on. And there are, did I make a mistake? There's more room for regret. There's just an open-endedness and a confusion to losing a loved one through a breakup that isn't even there for other types of griefs, like losing someone through death. And in some ways, that makes it less straightforward and more confusing to navigate.
So I do not have a comprehensive answer to how to navigate your breakup, but here are the first thoughts that come to mind. The first one is it might be worthwhile to take some time to recognize and express the different thoughts and emotions that are going through your mind and your heart. Though a breakup will overall just feel bad and painful, but often there are more details there that might be helpful to recognize. For one, there could be sadness and nostalgia. You miss those small moments, those ordinary happy moments that now remind you of what no longer is like. Even what was good back then and what was precious back then is now tainted and colored by sorrow because it no longer is your reality.
A breakup is loss. No one died, but the relationship, as you know, it died and it changed a lot. There is grief on top of that. There could be even anger and bitterness if there was hurt and sin and wrongdoing and resentment that's there. There could be shame, wondering if maybe if you are better, if you are more lovable, maybe they would've stayed. Maybe if you were better, you could have made it work out. Sometimes you want nothing to do with the person. Sometimes you would do anything to have them back in your life, and sometimes you might fluctuate between both. Sometimes you want to pretend like you're totally okay and you're fine and that you've moved on and it no longer affects you. And sometimes you're desperate to reach out to them for a second chance. Sometimes it's regret and sometimes it's anxiety. What will life be like now? What if they move on to someone else? What if I'll never be okay and happy again? Sometimes the questions are towards God, why? What are you doing here and why did you allow it to play out like this? It could be one of these or all of them.
And as you process these, you may realize that the breakup is actually about much more than the breakup itself. It has a way of surfacing struggles and insecurities that you've held onto for a lifetime that are now coming out. The person who left this relationship reminds you of all the people in your life who have made you feel unlovable to this point. The end of this relationship reminds you of all of the disappointments and losses that you've had to endure in your life and makes you question God's love and care. The breakup might have a way of exposing these things and bringing them to the surface in really painful ways, but now there's room to take this opportunity to work through those things with people who love you and with God. And so I think in the midst of this encouragement to process honestly is also this encouragement to not rush it and not put a timeline on it and to find people who won't rush it for you. I can't tell you how many people say or have heard said to them like, are you still not over it? Shouldn't you be over it by now? And I'm here to say that God has his own timeline for these things and please be okay with that.
I think the second thing that I would say is that it is normal and human and understandable for this to hurt. Investing so much time, energy, and effort into a person, sharing your greatest joys and deepest pains with that person, putting in your heart and earnest prayers to grow, to be someone who can love that person more selflessly because you want to be a blessing to them and you want to make the relationship work—everything that you've poured into this, when the relationship ends, it will hurt. And that's not something to despise or feel ashamed for. The fact that it hurts is some sort of indicator of what you put into the relationship and how much you cared and wanted to commit to seeing it through and how much you loved. And that is the blessing and the curse of love. C. S. Lewis once said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable." And what that means is that when we're vulnerable, that there are pain and agony and disappointment that can happen. One of the beliefs I had when I was going through the loss of a relationship in the past, the pain was so deep that I genuinely felt like I would never be happy again. My heart at that time felt so shattered and so sad that it felt like it would never be whole and okay. And I remember going through life pretending and trying to hold it together, but something in particular about my laughs always felt ingenuine and hollow.
After years of going through that breakup and wrestling through it with God, I still remember the first time that my laugh was full and genuine again. It caught me off guard, but I still remember it because I went through such a long time thinking that it wouldn't be again. And in that moment it reminded me of a passage in Hosea. Hosea 2:7–8, where it says, "She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now. And she did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, and who lavished on her silver and gold. She did not know that it was I who gave her all of those things."
The God who provided you with the relationship that at one point in your life that brought you a measure of joy, excitement, companionship, and hope, is the same God who is with you now in loss. Whatever joy and goodness you experienced in that relationship was ultimately from the One who is still with you now, still caring for you now, still attending to you now, still committed to you now. And while the love that you once enjoyed with this specific person and the expressions of it look different now, there is a love in your life that is unchanging and unfailing. He knows that it hurts. He knows that there are a lot of emotions and thoughts to process and wrestle through. He knows that it'll take time to grieve and figure out how to move forward. He knows the ways that it'll be hard to hold onto hope in it and to hold onto him.
But I pray that as you navigate this breakup, your hope won't be found in your ability to hold onto him, but in his unwavering commitment to hold onto you. And that when you experience that first genuine full-belly laugh, that you'll realize the journey to get there wasn't in your ability to hold onto him, but in his true unwavering commitment to hold onto you. There was a prayer from the book Every Moment Holy Volume III, and it's called "A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed by Turbulent Emotion," which I thought was very appropriate to this particular sharing. And one of the sections reads, "When I desperately want the discomfort to end, remind me that your eyes see farther than mine and that you'll use even this hard circumstance for the benefit of my soul. Let me remember that you'll not waste a minute of my suffering. In it, you are with me. Through it, I come to know you more. You make all things beautiful, and you do so in your time, not in mine."
*학습방법*
1.읽기: [읽고쓰기] 내용을 의미어구에 따라 끊어서 쓰고 어구번호 붙이기 2.듣기: [듣고말하기] 내용을 듣고 의미어구 단위로 끊어서 따라 말하기
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