[4고급] How would you encourage women struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety?  

How would you encourage women struggling
with postpartum depression or anxiety?

Lauren Whitman

Transcript

If you are struggling
with postpartum depression or anxiety, [postpartum, 산후]
I first just want to say to you,
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
One of the most painful seasons of my life was
when I struggled with postpartum issues
and it was an absolute nightmare,
and people don't talk about it enough,
how hard it can be.
It's hard to talk about it.
So I thank you for writing in
and submitting this question
and creating this space for you and other moms
to receive some encouragement.
If you are currently struggling
through postpartum mental health struggles,
I want to first encourage you
by saying this is a season.
It's a hard season,
but it is a season and seasons do change
and you can get through this season.
So here are some tools to think about
how to get through it.        

First, I want you to tell someone
that you're struggling.
It might be hard to talk about it
because there is so much guilt and shame
you probably feel for struggling this way.
Why? Because you have a beautiful baby.
Shouldn't you be happy?
And in a sense, yes, of course you should be happy.
And so when you don't feel happy
or you don't feel the way
that you would hope to feel
after having a beautiful baby,
then you feel so guilty.
But these feelings of postpartum depression or anxiety
have nothing to do with your baby.
They have nothing to do
with the kind of mom you are.
If you are struggling
with postpartum depression or anxiety,
it's helpful to remember something
mysterious is happening.
It's physiological, it's hormonal.
Your changes in a normal sleep schedule
are likely impacting you,
but you are not struggling
because you're a bad mom.
And it's not because you've done something wrong.

You've probably had a condemning thought
that goes something like,
“My baby deserves a happy mom.”
And yes, your baby does deserve a happy mom,
but it's not your fault that you're not happy.
So don't internalize
what is happening.
Instead, I want you to practice rejecting that guilt
and rejecting that shame.
It's not your fault
and it doesn't indicate
that you have failed as a mom.
Please receive that and please practice
rejecting those self-condemning thoughts.
You have not failed.
But feelings of guilt and shame
can keep you in hiding, right?
You don't want to tell people
how you feel
because people don't expect a new mom
who has the blessing of a baby to feel bad.
But the truth is
that a significant percentage of moms do struggle with this.
You're not alone.
It's not just you.
It was me too,
and I needed support.
You need support.
So I want you to get support.
I want you to talk to some trusted individuals.
You're going to be choosy about who,
because you're vulnerable and feeling raw right now,
and that's okay.

For me when I was struggling,
I only told a few select people.
Looking back,
I do see
that this took courage because again,
I felt so guilty and ashamed
for struggling the way that I was,
and yet I needed help.
And you need help.
And more than that,
you deserve help.
You deserve help.
And so identify those trusted people
and tell them what's going on.
Tell them how you're struggling.
And when you do,
ask for practical help.
Be concrete about what you need
and don't feel bad for doing it.
For me, one of the people
that I ended up telling was our pastor
who arranged for his wife to support me
by coming over in the afternoons
when my husband was at work.
That time of day,
for whatever reason,
was particularly hard for me
during that season of my postpartum struggles.
And so I had the support of having someone
in the house with me and my baby,
someone to talk to and keep my mind
in a better place
than it would tend to go
if I was by myself.
So that's just one example of concrete help I got.
But do think concretely
about what kind of support could help
and then ask for it.
Why? Because you deserve help,
because you're hurting.
And this is hard,
and I don't want you to suffer alone.

And I also must say at this point
that if you are having thoughts
of hurting yourself or your baby,
then please reach out to someone today.
Do not delay.
We have included here a hotline number
for you to call
if there's no one else
that you can talk to today
(suicide & crisis lifeline: dial 988).
You could reach out to your doctor
and let him or her know
that you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm,
and they will know
how to help you
and keep you and your baby safe,
and also can provide you
with a referral for counseling.
Thoughts of self-harm
or harming your baby can happen.
It can be a feature
of postpartum mental health struggle,
and it is always, always a time
to tell someone and to get help.
Don't delay if that is you.

Now, another thing
I want to ask you to do
that will provide you encouragement
in an ongoing way
is to find some simple verse or truth
from the Bible
that you will go to
day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute
whenever you need it.
For me,
during my season of postpartum issues,
I listened a lot to worship music.
Why?
Because it got my mind away
from my mind, right?
It gave me something else
to think about and to focus on,
something that was good news.
And the good news
that I clung to was
that this experience I was having
was not the end.
When Jesus comes for me
and brings me to heaven,
postpartum struggles would not be there.
Remember earlier I said,
this is a season and seasons change.
And that was part of what comforted me
during this time,
is that I knew
that this horrible suffering would end.
I didn't know
when it was going to end,
and believe me,
that was hard.
But I knew
that because of what God had done for me in Christ,
because this world is not my home,
because Jesus even now is preparing a place for me
in my heavenly home
where sin and brokenness
and death can't ever come in,
because of all these precious promises,
I knew this season would end,
and I clung to that hope,
and I clung to that good news.
I did also have to wrestle with the fact
that my struggles might not end
in this life.

Thankfully they did.
But at the time,
I didn't know if they would.
But I did do what I could to get them to end.
I got support.
I talked to a counselor. Hormones changed.
And by some combination of all of that,
the season did end.
But when I was in the thick of it,
I didn't know when it would end.
And so I clung to the eternal hope
that this misery would end someday.
And that was a guarantee
that God had promised me in Christ,
and it helped me
to make it through difficult moments.
I wanted it to end immediately, of course.
I wanted it never to have happened,
and I still feel that way.
I wish it hadn't happened.
But when I was in the midst of it,
I knew that it wasn't going to last forever.
And somehow God gave me hope
through that.

I don't know
if that sounds good to you,
and it's okay if it doesn't,
but find something that does give you hope.
Ask God to give you some simple truth
or remind you of a promise
that he's made to you
that speaks to this misery
that you're currently enduring.
And you cling to that,
and let that be a source of life to you.
Write it down.
Put it on your walls.
Ask the people
who know to speak it to you.
Come to it as often as you need to.
And for the times
you are too weak to cling to it,
I pray that the Spirit reminds you
that he is clinging to you
and he won't let you go.