소원영어센터

Mentioned in this video:

"A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed [Liturgy, 예배의식]

by Turbulent Emotion,"

by Sandra McCracken and Douglas McKelvey,

included in Every Moment Holy, Vol. 3

by Doug McKelvey.

Learn more here.

Transcript

I feel like

when it comes to breakups,

different people experience them differently

and certain breakups are easier or harder than others.

So I know

that there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all answer,

just because there isn't a universal one-size-fits-all experience.

But if watching this video,

I will make an assumption

that maybe going through this particular one

hasn't been a walk in the park,

but has been accompanied

by a good amount of sorrow, pain,

and even confusion.

I think there's something uniquely complex

about losing someone through a breakup

that isn't even there

when you lose someone through death.

There are questions left.

There are what ifs that are still left open.

There are these open doors

with that person still being alive

and you might still seeing them

and seeing them move on.

And there are, did I make a mistake?

There's more room for regret.

There's just an open-endedness and a confusion

to losing a loved one through a breakup

that isn't even there for other types of griefs,

like losing someone through death.

And in some ways, that makes it less straightforward

and more confusing to navigate.

So I do not have a comprehensive answer

to how to navigate your breakup,

but here are the first thoughts

that come to mind.

The first one is it might be worthwhile

to take some time to recognize and express

the different thoughts and emotions

that are going through your mind and your heart.

Though a breakup will overall just feel bad and painful,

but often there are more details there

that might be helpful to recognize.

For one, there could be sadness and nostalgia.

You miss those small moments,

those ordinary happy moments

that now remind you of what no longer is like.

Even what was good back then

and what was precious back then

is now tainted and colored

by sorrow because it no longer is your reality.

A breakup is loss.

No one died,

but the relationship,

as you know,

it died

and it changed a lot.

There is grief on top of that.

There could be even anger and bitterness

if there was hurt and sin and wrongdoing and resentment

that's there.

There could be shame,

wondering if maybe if you are better,

if you are more lovable,

maybe they would've stayed.

Maybe if you were better,

you could have made it work out.

Sometimes you want nothing to do with the person.

Sometimes you would do anything to have them back in your life,

and sometimes you might fluctuate between both.

Sometimes you want to pretend

like you're totally okay

and you're fine

and that you've moved on

and it no longer affects you.

And sometimes you're desperate

to reach out to them

for a second chance.

Sometimes it's regret and sometimes it's anxiety.

What will life be like now?

What if they move on to someone else?

What if I'll never be okay and happy again?

Sometimes the questions are towards God, why?

What are you doing here

and why did you allow it

to play out like this?

It could be one of these or all of them.

And as you process these,

you may realize

that the breakup is actually about much more

than the breakup itself.

It has a way of surfacing struggles and insecurities

that you've held onto for a lifetime

that are now coming out.

The person who left this relationship reminds you

of all the people in your life

who have made you feel unlovable to this point.

The end of this relationship reminds you

of all of the disappointments and losses

that you've had to endure in your life

and makes you question God's love and care.

The breakup might have a way of exposing these things

and bringing them to the surface in really painful ways,

but now there's room to take this opportunity

to work through those things

with people who love you and with God.

And so I think in the midst of this encouragement

to process honestly is also this encouragement to not rush it

and not put a timeline on it

and to find people who won't rush it for you.

I can't tell you

how many people say or have heard said to them like,

are you still not over it?

Shouldn't you be over it by now?

And I'm here to say

that God has his own timeline

for these things and please be okay with that.

I think the second thing that I would say is

that it is normal and human and understandable for this to hurt.

Investing so much time, energy, and effort into a person,

sharing your greatest joys and deepest pains with that person,

putting in your heart and earnest prayers to grow,

to be someone who can love that person more selflessly

because you want to be a blessing to them

and you want to make the relationship work—

everything that you've poured into this,

when the relationship ends,

it will hurt.

And that's not something to despise or feel ashamed for.

The fact that it hurts is some sort of indicator

of what you put into the relationship

and how much you cared and wanted to commit to seeing it through

and how much you loved.

And that is the blessing and the curse of love.

C. S. Lewis once said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable."

And what that means is that when we're vulnerable,

that there are pain and agony and disappointment that can happen.

One of the beliefs I had

when I was going through the loss of a relationship in the past,

the pain was so deep

that I genuinely felt

like I would never be happy again.

My heart at that time felt so shattered and so sad

that it felt like it would never be whole and okay.

And I remember going through life

pretending and trying to hold it together,

but something in particular about my laughs

always felt ingenuine and hollow.

After years of going through that breakup

and wrestling through it with God,

I still remember the first time

that my laugh was full and genuine again.

It caught me off guard,

but I still remember it

because I went through such a long time

thinking that it wouldn't be again.

And in that moment

it reminded me of a passage in Hosea.

Hosea 2:7–8, where it says,

"She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them,

and she shall seek them but shall not find them.

Then she shall say, I will go and return to my first husband,

for it was better for me then than now.

And she did not know

that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil,

and who lavished on her silver and gold.

She did not know that it was I who gave her all of those things."

The God who provided you

with the relationship that at one point in your life

that brought you a measure of joy, excitement, companionship, and hope,

is the same God who is with you now in loss.

Whatever joy and goodness you experienced in that relationship

was ultimately from the One who is still with you now,

still caring for you now,

still attending to you now,

still committed to you now.

And while the love that you once enjoyed with this specific person

and the expressions of it look different now,

there is a love in your life

that is unchanging and unfailing.

He knows that it hurts.

He knows that there are a lot of emotions and thoughts

to process and wrestle through.

He knows that it'll take time to grieve and figure out

how to move forward.

He knows the ways that it'll be hard to hold onto hope in it

and to hold onto him.

But I pray that as you navigate this breakup,

your hope won't be found in your ability

to hold onto him,

but in his unwavering commitment

to hold onto you.

And that when you experience that first genuine full-belly laugh,

that you'll realize the journey to get there wasn't in your ability

to hold onto him,

but in his true unwavering commitment

to hold onto you.

There was a prayer from the book Every Moment Holy Volume III,

and it's called "A Liturgy for One Overwhelmed by Turbulent Emotion,"

which I thought was very appropriate to this particular sharing.

And one of the sections reads,

"When I desperately want the discomfort to end,

remind me that your eyes see farther than mine

and that you'll use even this hard circumstance

for the benefit of my soul.

Let me remember that you'll not waste a minute of my suffering.

In it, you are with me.

Through it, I come to know you more.

You make all things beautiful,

and you do so in your time,

not in mine."

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[4고급] How do I navigate a painful breakup?

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